Rab’s profile photo caught my eye immediately. I love a good smile, and his was attached to a very cute – although quite young – face. It was more than enough to get me to take an extra beat to scroll down to his profile (after scrolling through a few more photos, of course).
I will kiss you with humor
I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I liked it.
Brown like a cookie
SOLD. I didn’t even need to read the rest. This guy was adorable and playful. And that line about the cookie could be a great conversation starter. But should I be concerned that he is nearly 20 years younger than me? Nah…
It’s a match!
If I’m not pressed for time, I try to start the conversation immediately. I don’t see the point in letting a match sit. Let’s get this show on the road! Besides, I think most men appreciate a women making the first move on a dating site. And in real life.
“How could I resist swiping right when you said you are ‘brown like a cookie’?
“You can taste it”
His response was playful, but if I handled it the wrong way it could get raunchy a little too soon. If I’m looking for more than a hookup, I don’t think the dirty talk should start until after the first date. In my experience, guys who can keep the conversation PG leading up to the first date tend to be worth a second date.
“All in good time.
“I like to talk to my cookies before I take my first bite. Maybe over a glass of milk.”
We continued chatting playfully, and getting to know each other. It wasn’t long before he cleverly used our little cookie joke to suggest a date:
“When can we have a glass of milk?”
We made a date for the upcoming Sunday.
I looked forward to our date, but there was an eagerness about him that started to worry me. We’d only been matched for a few hours before he started to joke that he was going to drop by my restaurant to see me. I don’t have to explain why that’s a red flag, do I? I mean, it’s ok to be excited about the date, but you don’t drop by a person’s workplace, uninvited, within a few hours of matching. I don’t care how great the conversation is going.
I continued chatting with him over the days leading up to our date, and tried to ignore the little hints of desperation that trickled into our conversation.
We met on a Sunday evening in the French Quarter for one of those Haunted History tours. There’s always this moment when you first meet that each person makes a judgement about how well their date compares to their photos. Were the photos deceiving? Were they spot on? Is the in-person view even better than the photos? I try to watch for that instant spark on someone’s face when they get their first look at me. People may be able to mask their reactions once they’ve taken a moment, but there’s always that initial millisecond on first contact that can’t be covered up.
The first moment with Rab – that spark of a moment that tells all – was…well…blank. I had no clue whether he was pleased or disappointed with what he saw. His greeting wasn’t especially warm, nor was it cold. I couldn’t get a reading on him, and I felt self-conscious about it. I spent the rest of the date studying every aspect of his body language.
How close is he standing? Is his arm pressed against mine with intention? Oh, now he pulled it away. Did that mean something?
It wasn’t that I was riddled with anxiety throughout the date. I did actually have a nice time, and we had good – if somewhat bland – conversation between stops on the tour. By the end of the tour I had convinced myself that he wasn’t interested. And when he mentioned that he had to be at work by 7am, I considered that the final indication that this just wasn’t a good match. Darn. He was really very cute and sweet.
We hugged goodbye and went our separate ways, him walking toward his apartment and me toward my bicycle. When I reached my bike, I checked my phone. There was a message from him:
“Can I kiss you?”
It had been sent about 5 minutes earlier. I turned around to see if I could still see him, but he was gone. He must have sent the message right after we’d said goodbye, hoping I’d immediately check my phone and call him back to me. It really would have been a cute story for a first kiss. If only I had checked my phone a little sooner…
I finally had confirmation that he was still interested upon meeting me, and I was delighted. We made a date for the following Friday, and I rode home with a smile on my face.
Thinking back on the date, I wish I had been more bold. Rather than focusing on how he felt about me, I should have been letting him know how I felt about him. It seems that both of us spent the entire date trying to get a read on the other, rather than just enjoying our time together and creating a connection. Lesson learned.
Now that we can both let our guard down, I’m really looking forward to Friday.