An article on Mic.com
takes a feminist look at the friend zone concept, and I think this author was way off the mark. She says it’s a sexist term, but is guilty of sexism herself by never acknowledging that girls aren’t the only ones putting people in friend zones and guys aren’t always the ones being “friend zoned.” She then goes on to say that the friend zone implies some sort of bank balance where spending time with and being nice to a girl equals points that can be redeemed for sex. I disagree, wholeheartedly. This concept suggests that men (since they are apparently the only ones who ever get put in this dreaded zone) only put time into relationships with women to get sex. While that’s true of some men – men I have no interest in knowing – in my experience, most men are not this shallow. Strike two for YOUR sexism, lady.
I believe that it’s human nature to put more time, thought, and effort into romantic relationships than friendships. While no one calls it that anymore, courtship still happens. It looks very different from when our grandparents or even our parents did it, but it’s still there. And while people in movies and TV shows are notoriously bad at picking up signals, in real life, people can usually tell when someone is courting them.
So, here’s my proposal to end Friend Zone Whining (or FZW) once and for all:
If you’re the one being courted and you’re not interested, say so. Sure, it feels nice to be treated like a romantic partner, but if you accept this attention and interest without returning it, you’re a dick.
If you’re the one complaining of being put in the friend zone, you should be grateful. I firmly believe that if you are put in the friend zone, you were always meant to be in the friend zone. You didn’t play the game wrong, the person just wasn’t into you, and was never going to be. And now that it’s clear that this friendship isn’t going in the direction you’d hoped, you are free to focus your romantic attention on someone new. However, if the other person’s lack of romantic interest in you makes their friendship not worth your time at all, you’re a dick.
Well, there you have my rant. What are your thoughts on the friend zone?
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