Don’t open with ‘Hi, how are you?’

“[opening with] ‘Hi, how are you?’ is a common mistake…Although you might think the first text to a match is fairly unimportant…it will be a strong indicator of how confident you are and a line like that is uninspiring and just plain dull…You’ve already technically said hello by swiping right, so there is no harm in skipping pleasantries and just asking questions about her or commenting on aspects of her profile…”

The Mens Guide To Tinder

Dating advice from Emily Post

I came across this amusing bit while thumbing through a copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette (1955 edition) and just had to share it.

Regarding the distasteful phrase “going steady.”

There is no proper equivalent for the phrase because according to etiquette the situation does not exist; no man is given the exclusive right to be devoted to any girl unless engaged to her.


Speak up: Selfies – Love `em or Hate `em?

Today we’d like to get your opinions on selfies. Do you love them or hate them? How many of your own profile photos are selfies? Answer our poll and then give us your opinions in the comments.

How many of your dating profile photos are selfies? (approximately)

Quesitoning Authority: Eflirtexpirt’s Laurie Davis gives us the top 5 profile mistakes

Questioning Authority is a regular segment in which we pick apart the advice of the pros based on our own experiences. Sometimes they’re spot on, sometimes they miss the mark. Let’s see how this one measures up…

story.delete.courtesyTrying to list all of the mistakes people make in their profiles would be a tedious task (but we’re trying!), so let’s just focus on the big ones. In an article on’s blog,’s Laurie Davis tells us what she considers the top 5 profile mistakes.

1. Selfies
Davis says that, in her experience as an online dating coach, women tend to find selfies a huge turnoff (in men), and I’d have to agree. Of course, I have a bias against selfies in general. I think they are overused and scream of narcissism, and when a dude’s profile has several (or, worse yet, ALL) selfies, I move on immediately. Don’t you have any friends that can snap those shots? Stop taking pictures of yourself and just enjoy what you’re doing!

2. Too much, too soon
This isn’t so much about turning off potential suitors as it is about basic internet safety. Choosing a username that you use elsewhere might make it easier for stalkers to get access to your personal info. And the same goes with revealing personal details in your profile that could be combined to track you down. To be honest, this isn’t something that concerns me. I lock down the privacy on other profiles (such as Facebook) pretty tightly and haven’t had any trouble, but if privacy is a concern for you, this is actually pretty good advice.

3. Exes
I couldn’t agree more with Davis’s advice on remove all mention (and phtographic evidence) of exes in your profile. Maaaayyybe if your ex is still your best friend you would mention that, because it does indicate that when things go wrong you can handle it like an adult and even come out better on other side, but no one cares or wants to hear about your terrible ex. Complaining, badmouthing, and even anonymous jabs just make you look bad. Very few people find negativity a turn-on, and i’m not sure I’d want to go out with the people that do. I mean, I did one time, and that guy…oops, never mind.

4. Group photos
AMEN SISTER! I understand the logic there: you want to give us a glimpse into your social life. But 9 times out of 10, all you are doing is distracting us from the main topic (you). And if I have to spend several minutes trying to figure out which one is you…well, I’m just not going to.

5. Sex appeal overload
I’m actually delighted to see that an expert shares this opinion with me. Stop trying to look sexy on your profile. Unless you’re on 3nder or AdultFriendFinder, it just comes off as trying to hard. Women whose profiles are littered with duck face and cleavage come off as those drunk “woo! woo!” girls at bars, and guys who show off their abs and sweet biceps strike me as superficial bros. Maybe that’s not you at all, but it’s definitely what your photos are telling the rest of us about you.

All in all, I agree with Davis’s tips. There are certainly more mistakes – some of which I find much more of a turn-off than her top 5 – but these are good to keep in mind. Do you agree or disagree with any of these?

read the original article here

Using Tinder to raise awareness – is it appropriate?

I’m having very strong feelings about this article, which describes a new ad campaign by an organization in Ireland to bring awareness to sex trafficking. The organization is creating fake Tinder profiles designed to look like those of sex trafficking victims. Each profile starts with a photo of an attractive woman, but with each swipe the photos get progressively more alarming, showing the girls with bruises, cuts, and other signs of abuse. The final two photos feature disturbing facts about the realities of sex trafficking, as well as a call to action. I can’t tell from the article whether Tinder supports or knows about this campaign.

While I do appreciate an attempt to raise awareness of something as appalling as human trafficking, this seems like a gross misuse of the Tinder app. I think part of what’s bothering me is that campaigns like this reduce the legitimacy of the app. Okay, Tinder is not sacred, but there are already so many fake profiles on dating apps/sites that it gets frustrating. Will campaigns like this lead to other misleading, but legit-looking posts/profiles/etc on other types of services? I would support an obvious ad campaign that uses Tinder’s style to get the point across, but I think I have a problem with the bait and switch method.

Additionally, despite the organization’s claim that feedback from Tinder users has been “great,” I have a hard time believing this will be very effective. The main profile pictures of these girls are very attractive, and I imagine most guys will just swipe right without looking any further. I’m guessing the most the organization will get out of this is a lot of media coverage, which is still a win, I suppose.

I don’t know, there’s just something I don’t like about this, but then I feel bad for not liking it because it’s a very worthy cause. What are your thoughts?

Date #2.1: A second look at Dane

bad-dateIt’s actually been a while since I’ve liked someone enough to go for a second date. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I liked Dane enough for one. He’d made a good impression on, but I hadn’t felt any chemistry. But he was cute and we’d gotten along well, so I decided it was worth a second try.

We started the evening with a game of Cards Against Humanity at a friend’s house. He was funny and seemed to make a good impression on the group, but still I didn’t feel anything more than a platonic appreciation for him. Next, we went to a Balkan music show. We enjoyed the music and chatted easily between sets, but when he slipped his arm around my waist I felt awkward. I’d been having a nice time with him, but this small show of affection just didn’t feel natural to me. After the show, as we walked toward his car, he put his arm around me again. I just couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t into it. He had all the right qualities: Attractive, funny, friendly.
When we reached the car, he turned to face me and asked, “So, is this going to be a thing?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. “I- I’m not sure,” I stammered. “Maybe?”
He gently pulled me closer and kissed me. It was then that I knew for sure, that this was not going to be a thing. Nothing. I just felt nothing. I probably should have said something right then, but I chickened out. We chatted a bit on the ride back to my house, but I was careful not to make any additional plans. When we arrived, I gave him a small peck on the lips, said goodnight, and went inside.
Dane didn’t do anything wrong. He seemed like a great guy. Sometimes it just works out that way, I suppose. You can like someone just fine, but there’s just got to be that extra little something to make me want to tear someone’s clothes off, and we didn’t have it. Should I have listened to my gut after that first date? Maybe, but we still had a nice time so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving something a second chance just to be sure.

Date #2: Dane

TinderI found Dane on Tinder. His photos were cute: Brown hair, scruffy hipster beard and mustache, piercing blue eyes. Several of his photos showed him at Burning Man, so I knew we had that in common. There was at least a little bit of humor or goofiness in all of his photos, which made his blurb – “I think it’s pretty clear that I’m a button down straight shoot” – simply adorable.

Our conversation was easy and lighthearted, with a little bit of silliness thrown in, which is a great sign. I brought up meeting first, which isn’t unusual, but I do wish the other people I meet online would initiate the offline meeting a little more often. It took a little back and forth, but we finally settled on meeting up late one Monday evening, after I’d finished a meeting for work. I try not to always choose the same meeting place in my own neighborhood, but since my foot is currently strapped into an orthopedic boot due to a really dumb injury, I went with the easy travel option and chose a bar just a few blocks from my house.
I was delighted to see that he was just as attractive offline as his photos suggested. Our greeting had just a smidge of awkwardness, as he went for a hug and I extended my hand for a shake. Not a big deal, though. We chose a table, hung our coats, then walked (or hobbled, in my case) over to the bar. We chatted easily while waiting in line, and continued our conversation back at our table. We mostly talked about our home towns (he’s from Salt Lake City, and yes, he grew up Mormon), work, and Burning Man. There were a couple of moments where I thought we were about to slip into an awkward silence, but we managed to keep the conversation flowing nicely. It’s good to have a few open-ended questions in your back pocked (not literally…or maybe, if you think you might need that) for those lulls in conversation.
At the end of the date we walked out to the sidewalk together and exchanged a friendly hug goodbye. I enjoyed the date, but didn’t yet feel any real chemistry. But I did find him attractive and fun to talk to, so I think there’s potential. Maybe, for our next date, I’ll choose something that encourages a little more physical contact (anything that doesn’t include sitting across from each other at a table) and see if that stirs anything up.

Speak up: Profile photos with multiple people

Enough of my silly opinions, it’s time to get your input on a topic.

groupdating 16Today we’re discussing profile photos that contain multiple people. Many dating “experts” tell us that posting a group photo on your dating profile – especially as your main photo – is a big No-No, but it’s still a very commonly used tactic. So, why are so many of you ignoring this advice? Does it work for you? What are you trying to say with these types of photos? What do you think when you see this on someone else’s profile?

Let’s hear it!

Questioning Authority: “Tinderfella” gives us his female Tinder profile Don’ts

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In this episode of Questioning Authority, we’re going to look at a guy’s advice to women about their Tinder profiles. I can’t, of course, comment on the male experience, but I think the majority of his advice applies to all dating profiles. Let’s take a look…


1. First picture with multiple friends
Yep. This is a huge no-no, and yet everyone still does it. It truly baffles me. What’s the thought process here? Not only are you making it difficult for potential matches to figure out who you are, but you’re introducing competition in your own profile!

2. 50% selfies
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who gets suspicious when the majority of photos on a profile are selfies. What’s the deal here? Are you THAT narcissistic, or do you just have no friends?

3. Bibles verses in their profile.
Now, this is one I have never, ever encountered. Maybe women are more likely to put them in their profile than men? Still, I’d move on pretty quickly if I did see this.

4. Heavy filter users
Again, this isn’t something I don’t see very often in men’s profiles, but I get it. You’re not fooling anyone.

5. First picture really far away or not facing the camera
It’s time to accept the fact that online dating is a largely superficial process. If someone can’t tell what you look like, they are unlikely to take the time to look any deeper. Besides, if you do manage to get a date with one the .001%* of people that don’t swipe past your useless photo, what do you think will happen? Is your personality so dazzling that it won’t matter if the person finds you physically unappealing once you’re on the date? I’ve got news for you: It’s not.

6. You in your wedding dress
Wow, chicks actually do this? I have no words.

7. Photo with a kid that isn’t your kid
I personally think pictures of children – even your own – are inappropriate on dating sites, but maybe my opinion is a little bit extreme. At the very least, don’t post pictures of other people’s kids on your profile. That’s creepy. It also gives the impression that you have children, which is likely to turn off many potential matches – even the ones that love kids. Any single parent will tell you how difficult dating is with children. Why would you purposefully make it harder on yourself?

8. Sunglasses in every picture
This one is pretty much summed up in #5. Stop hiding what you look like. We’re going to find out, eventually. Actually, we probably won’t because we won’t even bother meeting you.

9. No pics that show below the neck
Maybe you’re trying to get your foot in the door with the more superficial users who might click away because you don’t fit into a size 0, but do you really want to date those people, anyway?

10. Only one picture or nothing at all written in the profile
I see this a lot. I usually chalk it up to pure laziness. Or perhaps these people are taking the superficial nature of the apps a little too far. Yes, we do need to know that we’re physically attracted to you, but we also want to know we’ll have something to talk about on our date.

11. the only thing you have in your profile is “follow me on instagram”
I am baffled by the trend of putting your Instagram handle on a dating site, but maybe that’s because my personal Instagram account is just that: personal. I don’t want a bunch of horny Tinder strangers looking through pictures of my dog or the barbecue I had last weekend. When I see this, I tend to think that this person is either too lazy to write a proper profile and wants me to do all the investigative work myself (not gonna happen), or they judge their own worth by the number of strangers who want to see photos of what they had for dinner last night. No thanks.

12. Giving a list of qualifications that we must meet and requesting we swipe left if we don’t meet them
I don’t see this very often in men’s profiles, but my male friends complain about this a lot, so I assume we ladies are the main offenders. I don’t have the space here to tell you all of the reasons this is a bad idea, but I think the article writer’s comment should tell you everything you need to know:


All in all, I think this is great advice. Are any of you brave enough to defend your use of any of these tactics? Let’s hear it in the comments.

* Statistic made up, but probably not far off.